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vergoldungtitle: as if it were forever
fandom: infinite rpf (ugh i hate everybody a lot, myself especially)
character: myungsoo's brain the way i fanon it
rating: gen
length: 402w
disclaimer: i own nothing and especially not the insight into that particularly pretty head, nothing about this is real etc etc
summary: The van rides are always longer when they drive away from home.
notes: so it's 5am right now and i already know i'm going to regret this.
(also, i am feeling highly emotionally unavailable right now, so i'm really sorry if i am talking to you on/off :( i'm just trying to figure out shit and it ain't happening the way i would like it to work. so have this instead while i sort things out.)
As if it were forever
The van rides are always longer when they drive away from home.
Myungsoo noticed that.
Or how the ride back home is systematically faster. Smoother, softer, faster, faster. Almost like gliding on flat ice. No bumps.
It’s nothing like the tense trips from studio to studio. Nothing like the prickly static, the moist air, threatening to choke him before each of their new defining moments. Another big show, another crucial move... Always another and another. And always the same anxious concentration silently ripping the pristine armor into shreds.
Myungsoo can feel a drop of sweat rolling down his column ; a tiny, slick drop making its way downwards. (It's always that first drop that gets him. Reminds him how insolent his body is, making sure that he never loses sight of what an untamed beast it is.)
Myungsoo wishes he understood what the rebellious drop is painting on his skin, but he doesn't.
The drop is carving an itching line into his back. A burning bed for shame and fear. (Because what he hears is this : beautiful failure, beautiful beautiful beautiful failure, beautiful failure failure.)
No, driving home is nothing like that.
Driving home is loud. And peaceful. Bright mind taking in the smokey colors ; and the sweat is validating now.
The sounds are dull, then sharp. Sungyeol’s high pitched screams piercing through the cotton cloud. Laughter.
Coming down from the rush means zooming in and zoning out ; the urge to process every moment always trumped by that content laziness, numbing out the edges. The night wasn’t perfect, but it was good and Myungsoo feels sated.
It’s so nice to look at the city lights dancing in the dark, while the animated chatter lulls him quiet. He’s glad nobody expects him to join the debate, because he’s way too busy appreciating the movement of the car to work out words and work out order, when it’s so much easier to just let the sounds rock him back and forth.
Myungsoo loves how everybody’s warmth is melding during those coming home drives. He loves the way the temperature hugs him, soothes him, tells him that he did good and that tomorrow he’ll do better.
The drive home is always too short. Soon they’ll all be tucked in bed, fragments of Infinite between walls.
But for a few more minutes, they are still one.
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no subject
Date: 2013-10-17 04:30 am (UTC)I cannot. even. breathe.
I mean an. ahhhhhhh!!!!
the drop beating out "failure" in his mind was so not okay. no no no no precious baby no.
and your last line about infinite being broken pieces when they aren't together NO STOP IT RIGHT NOW YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO MAKE ME FEEL SUCH THINGS
hihi omg this was brilliant and perfect and heart shattering
((you do know that you created a monster and we'll all be begging you for more now, right?))
this is flawless and I can't believe it I am going to go swim in your words for a while now....
no subject
Date: 2013-10-21 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-17 04:42 am (UTC)ilu ilu ilu and I hope everything works out ok :)
no subject
Date: 2013-10-21 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-17 08:00 am (UTC)HOW DARE YOU SPRING THIS ON ME WITH NO WARNING
.... This is like 40000% my read of Myungsoo, the place he goes to when he "zones out". BUT YOU KNEW THAT.
fragments of Infinite between walls
ALJFDOS;JFDF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x____________________________________x
they are still one
RUDE. Hold my Myungsoo-not-knowing-how-to-survive-without-Infinite feels. HOLD THEM, DAMMIT.
... Also, if you think you're getting away with ending the Infinite fic writing there, then lol.
Bye.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-21 03:58 pm (UTC)But you know my idol!Myungsoo headcanon. He needs Infinite the mostest.
... Also, if you think you're getting away with ending the Infinite fic writing there, then lol.
LOL sorry but how on earth do you plan on accomplishing that. This was a one time thing and you know it.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-17 01:24 pm (UTC)Except it's also heartbreaking because Myungsoo. SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF THIS CHILD. SOMEONE LOVE HIM SO HARD HE CAN'T DENY IT. OMG.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-21 04:00 pm (UTC)Hearbreaking was the idea, so I'm glad it turned out well ;)
no subject
Date: 2013-10-17 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-21 04:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-20 01:42 pm (UTC)Myungsoo loves how everybody’s warmth is melding during those coming home drives. He loves the way the temperature hugs him, soothes him, tells him that he did good and that tomorrow he’ll do better.
ALL MY CREYS
MORE MORE MORE!
no subject
Date: 2013-10-21 04:03 pm (UTC)But don't be mistaken, this was only an exception to my non-writing rule. Sorry to disappoint.