Elena Gilbert's tragic debt to Stefan Salvatore

[vergoldung]

I knew the day would come. Here comes my first TVD related post. I guess that now makes me an active part of fandom? I don't know. It feels a bit weird to voice my thoughts to the cold void of the internet, but apparently, live-emoting about the episode with my baby sister isn't going to cut it for the finale.

So, TVD finale?

Gave me all the fucking feelings. All of them. 
Hysterical laughter. Juvenile squee. Blind rage. Shippy feelings. Utter disdain. Overwhelming love. My brain was screaming in sheer indignation and my heart was sore from all the emotional abuse.

Fuck, never have I had to pause an episode that many times. To scream, flail, laugh (and rewind because my laughter had made a proper comprehension of a scene impossible), speculate. To rage and squee, mostly.

I have the immense luck to watch TVD with my sister. It's our weekly treat together, since I moved out. (I actually had to blackmail her into watching the show, because she hated it at first.) And I honestly don't know how I would deal if it wasn't for her. (Maybe I'd have turned to fandom sooner?) When I watch things, read things, I'm always pretty loud. And I need to share the love, the hate. Otherwise my emotions threaten to choke me. So, obviously, I still laugh and rage when I'm by myself. But I can't get so deliciously riled up and loud, because it just feels too creepy to rant aloud for more than one sentence. WHICH IS WHY I AM INAPT TO WATCH TVD ON MY OWN. I just can't deal without immediate emotional outlet. Which kind of brings me to my point :

FUCK ME, I LOVE THIS SHOW TO DEATH.

Considering the general uproar in fandom right now, I guess that's an unpopular opinion. Whatever folks, I fucking love it.
My love for fictional things is directly proportional to the quantity (and quality, I'll give you that) of my emoting. And TVD makes me emote like few TV related things do. This finale basically killed me. (As far as emoting is concerned, As I Lay Dying has nothing on The Departed.) Once we actually managed to finish the episode (with all the pausing and screaming it took us twice the standard time!), I was so worn out and buzzing with thoughts that I did the one thing that I knew would help : I stayed the hell away from fandom's poison. (I love fandom, but it is a bitch.) And I'm so fucking glad I did. I cooled down, delved into the awfulness of HP fandom (and discovered my new favorite thing that is Blaise and Ginny) and forgot about TVD for a while. Then I watched the episode again (alone, this time) and then I took a look at fandom. 

Now, I can't stop laughing. Fandom is a hilarious phenomenon, isn't it? I honestly can't believe how many people are whining and moaning about ship assassination right now. Hilarious. 

I have a lot of thoughts on the whole triangle deal and on the 'choice' issue, but I really want to rant about one thing : the uproar about Elena's supposed love for Stefan. Oh my God fandom. WHAT EVEN? How? When? This is fucking ridiculous. If anything, Elena officially DESTROYED any hope for Stelena to be a healthy thing. (Not that I personally mind the unhealthiness, but a lot of people seem to argue about this exact point : is Stefan and Elena's romance healthy and pure? Is it depicted as such? Etc.)

I am so fucking depressed for Elena right now and I cannot deal with fandom raging about her choosing Stefan (which, in my opinion, she didn't even get to do, poor thing). HOW CAN YOU EVEN BE ANGRY WITH / DISAPPOINTED IN HER REASONING WHEN SHE SO BLATANTLY ADMITTED TO FINDING HERSELF FUCKING BOUND TO STEFAN BECAUSE HE FUCKING SAVED HER? I do not understand this reaction. I get that for once in this episode, you had to read between the lines. Because in this goddam episode where every thought and feeling was spelled out loud and clear, Elena unintentionally admits to something that she doesn't even admit to herself. Yes, she feels grateful for Stefan. But it goes way farther then that. She feels that the fact that he saved her from death and from herself (I actually think that's the most important part!) makes him worthy of her unconditional love. Whatever he does will never change the fact that he saved her from the water, that he got her out of depression. He is more than worthy of her love. She fucking owes it to him. Just let her naive words ring through your eyes again : ''And that's what love SHOULD be. You SHOULD love the person that makes you feel glad that you're alive.''

Why isn't every one going nuts over this? I was so crushed I didn't know wether to cry or kill something. Eventually I screamed my heart out to my patient sister, bless her. BUT SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, THIS IS TRAGIC. 

I know that I'm probably over-identifying with Elena because I know exactly how much guilt can rule your love life. And how the fear of losing somebody can give you the strength to endure pretty much anything. But still. This is objectively horrible. Love should not be something that you owe to someone. The fact that she actually spelled out how bound she is to Stefan, invalidates (for me) any choice she would make. (I'm not questioning Elena's love for Stefan, by the way. Just like I don't think that this episode actually answered the question of Elena's love for Damon.) There is no choice to make, when you're in debt. When you're in debt, your own opinion is secondary to the debt itself.

Okay, I'm getting downright mad here so I think this is enough for now. (Otherwise, I'm going to end up ranting about my own screwed-up, guilt-ridden relationship and you don't want that.)

But you're welcome to talk to me, contradict me, flail with me about the good things in the episode, if you feel like it!

Comments

[aj81writing.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
I've found that my enjoyment of the show/single episodes are in direct correlation to the fandom's discussion of it. I find myself enjoying episodes only when I stay as far away from the fandom as possible. If you read my tweets you'd find incessant ranting about Mason ;)
I am Team Elena first. Yes, I over-identify with her. Yes, I make excuses for her. Yes, I understand her. For me, she's - just like any of my female leads in any story I concoct - the center and I will always support her - no matter if I disagree with her actions, words, whatever.
Loved your thoughts on this.

[vergoldung.livejournal.com]

Thank you, darling!
I'm happy to know that you stan for Elena too :) I wish I could read your Mason tweets though, I'm sure they are delightful! But I'm staying far away from twitter, for a lot of good reasons. (I get way to addicted to things like that..)
Life has been a bit crazy lately, but I promise to catch up with your stories as soon as possible. I hate to keep you waiting like that :(